Loneliness and Me

I was away for almost a month, I just want to leave the place that cause pain deep inside of me. I been crying somewhere that no one will see me. Sometimes life don’t bother to keep on our side. I been saying to myself before that life is a just a game that we should learn how to handle, we should learn how to play, but what if you will fail to the game you are playing? It’s not that easy to face the truth, because I am afraid to know that I fail in my life.

I been living in my dreams, and I know that a dream is just a dream, it’s just a fantasy that soon you will wake up and you will face that life ended, living in a dream ends, it is not forever. I was hurt because I used to live in my dream in such a way that I love it, I was used to it, but now reality comes and I have nothing but my old self, crying alone, I was left behind and that really hurts.

During the time that I was alone, I have realized that I should not stop my life from where I am right now. That I have to find my own happiness, I know it’s hard to find happiness if you know that you can’t find any, I have to fool myself, I have to insist that life is beautiful though I’m feeling it’s not, only if I have the one who help me to put back the puzzled pieces of myself, only if I can lean to the shoulder of somebody who catches me when I fall, maybe I can say that there are more reasons to live. But the one that I am longing is so near yet so far, I can’t reach the hand, I can’t feel the embrace and I can’t feel the love anymore.

As I am reminiscing those days, those happy days with the one who brought some laughters on my face, I can’t stop the tears in my eyes. Why is it so hard to accept the truth that the chapter of our lives that we shared together has come to an end? Why is it that life seems so unfair? I am always asking myself, if I have to love somebody do I have to return it with tears? Who among you can tell me that you were not hurt because you love somebody else? Who among you can tell me that loving someone else won’t hurt? I know, we love, we sacrifice, we cry and we love again. But why I can’t love again? Why do pains keep on haunting me?

I remember somebody who told me that because I love too much that’s why…I was meant to be alone.

Time to mend a Broken Heart

The hardest thing in life is letting go of something you don’t want to let go. A time that you want to move on for something new but still the heartaches and the pains inside your heart will always remain. Each one of us has its own love story to tell, some live happily ever after, others seperate their ways just to find someone new, there are love in the right place but in a wrong time, sometimes there are love stories both in a wrong time and a wrong place. And me? I have also my very own love story but sad to say it always ends up in tragedy, in the sense that I’m willing to lost my life just to work out everything in a relationship, but always ends up that I’m finding myself in a corner of my room, with tears in my eyes and seeing myself alone.

Since the first time that I was hurt I’m always asking myself why do I have to fall in love and at the end I will cry? Whay can’t I help myself not to love? Why do other people came into our life, touches our lives, but they will just leave us behind? When can I stop the tears in my eyes? And when will be the time that somebody else will love me for who and what Am I? These are the questions that are very hard to answer though the answers are always in our hands.

All we want is to love and be loved. But why do people questioned me if I’m fallen to someone else. Do I have not the right to love? It’s very painful to think that most of the time I am always left behind. I am happy with my social status, I am happy with my family, I am happy with my friends but why is it that emptiness in my heart will always be there for me. I want to move on with my life but a big question mark will always slap on my face about the things that involves me. I have also a dream in life, I’m dreaming to be with the best partner I could ever have in my whole life, and will always at my side for the rest of time.

My heart is always hoping that someday I can move on with my life. I’m always saying before that everything will be okay, that I have to be just at the corner of my own self waiting for someone to be a part of me for the rest of my life. But I was not able to move my life yet, I was not able to look for the right time for me, and until when do I have to wait? Others are saying that I have to buy for someone to love me, to care for me, but it’s not that easy to beg for love, we can lie to other people but we can never lie to ourselves. I was not able to get the essence of buying for some love. And now, before I have to bid farewell to my self, to my old self…I really have to mend my broken heart before someone else will come into my life, because loving others will always starts from loving myself.

Friendship and beyond…

You have just met somewhere in nowhere, in an unexpected ways, in an unexpected time. In my whole life I never thought of somebody who will came and be my friend for the rest of my life. If I willbe your friend, I will be a friend forever. Sometimes I can can hear from other people saying that life is nothing without money, life is nothing without power, life is nothing without wisdom but for me life is nothing without FRIENDS. I am always saying to myself that I am rich, not with wealth, but I am rich because I have a lot of friends.

All of my friends have different characteristics, they have different point of view in life, they have different social status, they have different interpretation on life itself. There are people who consider their friend as somebody who is more than a family. I don’t know why but mostly of us confide to a friend rather than to a family, I, even myself used to ran to a friend than to my family. I seek more comfort from a friend than to anyone else.

There are people that surround us that criticize the friendship we have invested to a certain person. Sometimes we were prejudged because we are showing something better to a friend. Why do people sometimes questioned the status of friendship you have? Is it not about giving back of something to a friend because he/she has done something good for you? I can even remember a good friend of mine, who shares all the best thing we could have in our lives. We even define friendship as something that only two hearts understand, no need for words to say, only eyes and we can understand.

As we journey our life, we can meet people along the way, people that will hurt us, people that will make us laugh, people that will inspire us and people who will leave some prints in our hearts. These are the people that we met by chance and some of them proved to be a good friend, and from that few we can find a best friend, as time keeps the two soul closer to one another and destined to be friends forever.