Archive for August, 2011

I don’t know where to start my post today. I just love to write something but I don’t know anything. Strange but this is how I feel, I don’t know where to start. Well, I guess, I have to talk about friendship, love, true love and losing someone you love. I have just watched the movie “One Day”. It’s a light-hearted story. Less drama and some kind of a boring story for those who are not in love and for those who haven’t fall in love but for me it’s something that I am longing for so long. How I wish, I was with the one I love for this movie. 😦

The story is about friendship, trying to deny what they really felt and it takes about 20 years to complete their love story unfortunately it ends with a tragedy. Losing the one that you been longing for about 20 years. That’s how the story runs. I don’t want to elaborate further the story coz I want you to experience the movie by yourself.

The movie title struck me. “ONE DAY” We can never tell how long we live our lives, right? We can never tell what’s gonna be tomorrow for us. I am just wondering if the one I love will shed some tears for me when I’m gone??? I think…no! Sad to say but that’s true coz I have seen the one I loved crying and those tears are not for me but for someone else. I am just hoping that there will be ONE DAY in my life where I can tell what’s really inside my heart and how I am afraid losing that someone I loved the most. Maybe I am just stupid enough of dreaming for that someone not realizing that I am just living in my fantasy, it’s not real, it’s just an illusion and how I wish to wake up very soon. I always keep telling myself that I am alone but I am not lonely, unfortunately, I was. I am lonely and I am always longing for love. I am always longing for someone whom the last face I want see before closing my eyes and the first when I woke up each morning. I am always longing for some arms to embrace me during some coldy nights. I am always longing for someone to hold my hands when I’m about to give up and someone who will be there pushing me when I am about to fall.

I can’t fight loneliness. I can’t push people to like me and I can’t command for that someone I loved to love me in return. Just like the story in “One Day”, longing for someone you love for too long, so many circumstances and obstacle comes along the way but the day you finally found the one you love…you will gone in your own love story. How I wish that if someday that would happen to me, I’ll be gone in my own love story, someone will stand and be the witness of my love. I know there will be ONE DAY in my life…and that one day will determine and will shape my own love story before everything will end for me.

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I remember the time when I write this blog…I am full of emotions, I didn’t even noticed that tears are coming from my eyes. I love someone, I gave my life, I gave my best but it’s not enough but now looking back three years ago…I can say that I am stronger now and choosing that someone to be a friend is the best decision I did three years ago coz that someone teaches me that I should give my love to someone I really deserve and worthy of my love. 🙂

Friendship and beyond...   You have just met somewhere in nowhere, in an unexpected ways, in an unexpected time. In my whole life I never thought of somebody who will came and be my friend for the rest of my life. If I willbe your friend, I will be a friend forever. Sometimes I can can hear from other people saying that life is nothing without money, life is nothing without power, life is nothing with … Read More

via Sa Pakiwari ko…

History repeat itself…I been writing this for about three years ago and now I found myself at the same situations. I’m crying and I think it’s really time to say goodbye…AGAIN!

When it's time to say goodbye... A lot of my friends are asking me "Why are you so happy all the time?" since most of the time they did not see me crying but I was, I am just human, I cry. Well…maybe they did not see me crying in front of them because I know how to hide my true feelings, I was once a member of our theater arts guild in school way back high school days. Crying is one way of showing your emotions, showing what you really felt deep inside, showing that you're pai … Read More

via Sa Pakiwari ko…

“Wish I could be the one, the one who could give you love.
The kind of love you really need.
Wish I could say to you that I’ll always stay with you.
But, Baby that’s not me.”

Sometimes in our lives, we find someone whom we think we can give our love, unfortunately our love is not enough for what they need. It’s painful to think that they can’t love you because you are weak, you are not strong as what they are expecting from you. Is it enough reason why other people can’t love you because of the way you want to love them?

I was once strong enough to face what love can bring into my life. Strong in the sense that I can handle what life may bring to me. I don’t easily cry, hard mind and heart when it comes to love. I rather choose to have a better career and to work for money and it made me realized that it’s all nothing if you are enjoying the best of life alone. You have money and you can get anything you want but sad to say it’s not the best of life without real love.

I choose to be weak, thinking that this may change the way I drive my life. I choose to love but no one cares. I choose to submit myself but I was rejected. I choose to cry but only to tear my heart into pieces. I choose to take chances but I’m losing it. Until such I realized that I choose to reach out my hands but no one was there coz I am just only dreaming, it’s just a fantasy and I was left behind.

I choose to live life of my own, living without mask, living what life may brings, enjoying every seconds of my life. Single but happy, I used to spend more of my time for myself, loving myself without thinking of anything, something and anyone but in my most unexpected time someone came, teaching my heart to beat again…this is the one that I been waiting for. I learn how to love again, I learn to give myself, and I learn to share my time. Somehow it makes me smile when I am alone, thinking of this someone makes my day worth to live. I am inspired to live my life again. Until one day, I just open up my eyes and you were not there, you told me that you someone else more than me, and you can’t afford losing this someone you love. I even asked myself “Am I not worthy to be loved?” I can give my all, I can give my best and I can give my heart……if you could only be mine!

Why it’s so hard to fall in love without complication…I mean, if you love someone he/she loves another someone!? If he/she loves you, so hard to give than what you could give. Life is so ironic and there’s no such thing as perfect life unless you give everything to God, then it’s the most joyful life.

I been in love before, I almost give up my life for that special someone, I learned how to sacrifice and I learned to give because of that special someone. My life seems to be in the cloud nine everytime I spent my time for just the two of us. Life is to beautiful and I just thought that it’s gonna be forever unfortunately forever is just a dream, a fantasy, it’s not real.

I been facing life with so much courage, so much hope that everything will be alright. Leaving me is something that I keep on denying deep inside of me, it’s not true but it was. This someone special teaches so many things but I have realized that one thing that I am always longing will never be given to me.

As I have moved on with my life, I was alone but never lonely until such one day the longing for love keep on hunting me. Someone came into my life, I thought this is the one that I been waiting for…starting to fall in love again, in a way that only me knows what I felt deep inside. I hide it coz am afraid to risk, I am afraid to lost it again, I’m afraid to be rejected…I am coward to love again. Before I knew that I am fully in love, I don’t know why but this someone I thought who can love me has another someone special. Another love story of mine has ended before it started.

It’s so sad to know that I keep on running about love, I always longing for true love but I always end up alone and broken hearted…do I have cry all the time? Do I have to feel the pain inside of me for the rest of my life? Where can I find the one who can love me for who I am? I just wanted to love and be loved. I just wanted someone whom I can share my life. I just want to have someone whose face will be the last face I saw before I close my eyes and the first face upon waking up. Most of all…I just want to have someone who will never break my heart again.

It maybe sounds stupid for others but I have just realized how good to be in love despite of the fact that the one you love doesn’t have an idea that you love him/her. If you are in love you learn how to smile without any reason, you learn how to appreciate simple things, you always glow, there’s no such thing as bad day, it’s always a beautiful day, you appreciate people, you learn how to  forgive and most of all you find meaning to your life.

It might be sad to know that you love someone but that someone can’t afford to love you back. It’s sad to know that you cry for that someone but that someone cries for another person. Stupid as they say but I guess that’s love, you are willing to sacrifice, you are willing to let go, you are willing to give without expecting for something in return. You are contented watching him/her leaving. Trying to be happy and you keep on ignoring yourself, you keep on denying the pain you felt inside. Is it really love?

Do you believe that love comes unexpectedly? Yung tipong di mo inaasahan na darating sa buhay mo and you thought that for so many things that happen to your life, you will not fall in love again and you’re afraid to love and to be loved again. But what if one day someone will come, knocking your heart begging you to love him/her? Will you let go of that someone you love and welcome the one begging you?

We are always running for the one we love, we waste our tears for that someone special in our heart, we keep on hurting ourselves and hoping against  hope. Why can’t we give ourselves a little freedom, let love come in, let us welcome people who wants to share their lives with us, who knows they are the right someone we’ve been waiting for. Don’t be afraid to love, love hurts but love never lose hope. Just be in love and enjoy the pain and happiness, the hope and the faith, freedom and forgiveness, sacrifice and true love.