Archive for August, 2010

I knew Him for so long…He is always there for me during the deepest part of my life…He keeps on searching me whenever I walk astray…He keeps on taking me back home…and He keeps on loving me without asking Him to love me. He never changed, He never changed and will never change.

August 24, 2010, that was last night. A friend of mine invited me to attend for a gathering. I am expecting people in their most decent attire, elite people and people who knows nothing but good things in life. Too tell you, I’m a little bit hesitant to come but I promise my friend and I don’t want to disappoint her. A feeling of little awkwardness, shy feelings but behind on my mind I am saying that who cares anyway, they don’t even know my name so why should I be ashamed of.

When we arrived there, a lot of busy people coming in and out of the place, some are talking of celebrities coming, business men, high profile people who are coming to celebrate with this powerful person, influential person who will celebrate life. I am wondering who really is this person!? Why do high profile people, celebrities, business men are coming for Him. I am wandering around, my eyes are roaming around to every corner of the place and they are right, there are celebrities, there are business men, I even see some familiar faces in billboards, in TV, in magazines and even in Politics. I don’t know what to expect and I don’t know where to put myself.

5 minutes…4 minutes…3 minutes…2 minutes…1 minute…count down to start the gathering. From the very start of the gathering a Man who is very familiar to me is the center of this gathering. He is the center of everything, they praise Him, they have showed him love, a Man who is very majestic and everyone in the place bowed down for His majesty. I never expect Him tonight and the center of everything. He is the one who helped me when I almost give up in my life, the one who keep pushing me to live life to the fullest, He is someone who never left me. I ignore Him for so long, for so many times but He keeps on coming back to my life. I pushes Him away but He revenge to me with so much love, He gave me love that no one can afford to give. He never changed. I know, I have changed, I embrace changes in my life but He never did.

Again He touch my life, He shares the best thing He had for me. I remember the past days of life when I used to be with Him…I can’t help myself but to cry coz no matter how I tried to hide from Him, He keeps on seeking for me, He keeps on loving me, I keep on denying Him, I ashamed to be with Him before and now he is the star of the night, the center of everything and I have no right to question Him, I feel guilt inside of me, I feel shame of myself, I feel like I was isolated in here but in the middle of all these people He stood before me, He took my hand and He raise me up, He touch my heart and He promise that no matter what happen He will always be there for me. He promised that He will love me for the rest of my life, even death can’t conquer His love for me. I feel I was so much loved, I feel I was so much cared and I don’t have to be afraid again coz I know now that He will always be there for me, He is the same, someone I knew from my past, He is the the same someone I know now and He will always someone I will know forever.

His name is…JESUS!

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Listening to Myself

Posted: August 13, 2010 in Personal

For the past few days of my life I been laughing a lot, making other people making fun of me, I am making them laugh, I am always been the center of laughing stuffs but I don’t think I am really happy. Somehow I make people laugh, I make them happy but why can’t I laugh for myself?

You might be thinking that I’m crazy, something wrong with me psychologically but I am not. I am not confused either, only that there’s an emptiness in me everytime I make people laugh, I know something wrong behind those laughter, there are tears behind it. Have you ever experienced crying while laughing? There are times that laughing will cause us to cry but what I am asking is crying but you want to laugh!? Weird but it’s true for myself, I am crying deep inside and I just want to laugh. I don’t know exactly what is that emptiness in me, until now I am still searching for what I want in life and what makes a real laugh for me.

Today, I can say that I am contented with my life. I have a stable job, I have a lot of friends who are always there for me and most of all I have my family who really cares for me. My family who always understand me, my family who keep on pushing me to the best I could be but I don’t have myself. I don’t know myself. I am showing that I am strong, I can make people laugh at me, I can make them happy but I can’t do it for myself.

There are times that when I came home and I am all alone in my room, I am asking why can’t there be no one who can afford to listen to me in times that I need to talk? Why there’s no one who can make me laugh whenever I need to laugh? Why can’t there be no one who is willing to wipe my tears whenever it falls? Why can’t there be no arms who will hold me whenever I fall? Am I destined to be alone? I have my family, I have my friends, I have my job, I can afford to buy things I want but I can never afford to have someone to be there beside me. I thought it’s okay to be alone. My life is full of drama, I am even thinking that I am just over reacting to what’s happening in my life but I realized that I shouldn’t be alone for the rest of my life. I have a need, I need to love and be loved, I need to understand to be understood, I need to care to be cared, but the biggest question “Who will that be for me?”

Sometimes, we don’t need to shout to be heard, silence sometimes is louder than shouting. Listening is not just simply listening but it’s a connection to the soul.

Remembering my Dad

Posted: August 3, 2010 in Memorable Events, Personal

August 03, 1995 was the last time I saw my Dad, it’s his birthday. That was 15 years ago and I miss him so much. He is the only man in my life whom I can’t forget for the rest of my life not only because he is my father but because of all the things he has done for me. The best man I ever knew. The love that he showered to me, the care, the guidance and being the best man for me.

It’s very hard to explain how it feels like missing your dad. There’s an unexplainable pain inside of me. The longing in my heart for a man, longing for a strong man. Maybe what I am now is because of the absent of father figure. All I ever wanted is to have a man to understand me, a friend and someone to love me just like my father…I know there’s only one man who can love me for what I am aside from my mom…and that’s my father. Sometimes, I am misunderstood by other people but they don’t know how I miss the shoulder of my father everytime I want to cry, I miss the ears of my father everytime I need somebody to listen and I just miss the hand of my dad tapping my shoulder that I have to go on with my life everytime I fall. I miss his words of wisdom, those words that I am using as my principle in life.

During my younger years He thought me how to dream, he thought me how to live life to the fullest and how to enjoy life with the Lord God as the center of everything. I was once lost my way, I forget his teachings but he always intervene me to become righteous. What I am now is because of my dad and my mom. They were not perfect parents but they are willing to die for me and to my other siblings.

I am very lucky enough to know a man like my father. Now…that he is living with our creator, his teachings, his guidance and most of all his love will always remain in my heart. I believed I have the responsibility to build my own family and to spread what is being taught to me unfortunately I can never be like my dad and that’s the hardest decision I may have.

Lucky are you to have your dad and your mom beside you right now. Don’t wait for the time that they can’t hear anymore what you have in your heart. Don’t wait for the time that they can’t feel anymore the love you have for them. Tell them how much you love them. That’s the most regret I have in my life, my dad loves me so much but I don’t remember a single time that I showed and tell him how much I love him. Wherever he is right now, I may not tell him how much I love him but deep inside of me I can’t define the emptiness in me without him, the word love is not enough how much I love him. How I wish to have him again…but I know time will come that I will faced him again and maybe if that time will come…I will tell him how much I love him and I really miss him.

Arjhay meets RJ

Posted: August 3, 2010 in Memorable Events, Personal

RJ and Arjhay

These past few days in my life seems to be a very busy days. I got a new work, part time work that’s why I am seldom writing in here. I am trying to move on now and i’m trying to enjoy my life, keeping it busy, for me to forget all those painful past. Actually, I am happy now with my life and no one can stop me to be happy.

I been from a bloggers party at Taste Asia mall of Asia. It was sponsored by Pantene Pro-V 3 Minute Miracle Treatment. It was a lot of fun. There are stars who grace the night. Ms. Judy Ann santos was there and the forner PDA Scholar RJ Jimenez. The whole night was a night of foods, music, drinks and fun.

I am just staying in the corner when RJ Jimenez render a song which he himself composed. It is omething that talks about somebody else waiting for the right love and to the one he loves. Well, I know I don’t have to react to it but I just love the song, simply because I realized that until do I have to wait for the one I love, It might be that I am lossing the one that i love for the rest of my life. Hopefully not. RJ is telling the audience that if you fall in love, your world will stop as if you and the one you love are all alone in this world.

I am a fan of that korean novela before, the Princess Hour and I like also the song sung by RJ Jimenez and Yeng Constantino as theme song of that Korean Novela. It tells that if we will just fall in love we can have done a lot of things in our life, you can write a better song as what the song is saying. During the party it was sung also by RJ and fortunately my cam is not yet full with all my files so I was able to record that song, performed by RJ in my very eyes.

Friend? Duh!!!?

I don’t know what kind of a friend I am. As far as I know, I been a good friend, I am a loyal friend and I always treasure friendship, I always value the true meaning of friendship and I know that I am not a perfect one. I have a lot of imperfections and most of my friends accepted me for what I am and who I am. I know there are some who can’t.

I thought a friend will be there when you fall. I thought a friend will be there when you need them, yes, they were there for me during the worst and the best time of my life. I can say that I am one of the luckiest person on earth to have a lot of friends. Let’s say…not all will be there for you. Some shows a good friendship, some shows too much care, some seems to be a brother or a sister to me and never expect for some to stab me at my back. I can accept criticism, it makes me a better person. LIE is another factor that makes me more stronger and pushes me to seek the truth, ENVY makes me feel better of myself but LOVE always make me weak.

It’s very hard to write if you have nothing to write. It’s very hard to get angry without reason. It’s very hard to confront an intrigues if you have no rights to do so and I know it’s very hard for you to understand me writing so much things in here without sense. Well…I just want to know what kind of a friend I am?

I love my friends, they are part of who I am now but I can’t figured it out why some are fooling me. Some are lying to me. Some are making fun of me. I don’t know WHY? It’s their prerogative to do what they want, I have no rights to stop them and I never ask them to be a part of what they want, it just happen that I am their friend but I don’t know if they consider me as one of them.

Why should I pull back myself coz I know I have a lot of TRUE FRIENDS than FAKE FRIENDS? My true friends have proven it to me…they were there through thick and thin.

I am writing it again…I CAN ACCEPT CRITICISM COZ I KNOW IT MAKES ME A BETTER PERSON.

If you are my friend, would you mind telling me who I am!?

I love to dedicate this song to all my TRUE Friends who are always there for me: