Just Being Me

Posted: September 17, 2008 in Failures & Success, Memorable Events, Personal

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. ~Alan Cohen~

I been away for a while coz I just want to make sure that when I come back I can be the person I really want to be. I am not dreaming to become someone else, I just want to be who really I am. A person armoured with courage and dream in life. All I want is to become happy, though sometimes life seems to be not okay but still the courage from deep within me to face reality is the only capital that I have in my life. I have to admit that once in my life I am trying to deny who really I am. I don’t have the courage to show the world of just being me.

Now I have come to realized that happiness cannot be reach unless you are giving yourself a true freedom. I been longing to a person whom I can’t be with no matter how I really try. Let’s just say that this person is only a part of your deep sleep, a dream. Sometimes dreams confused us, I don’t know but it’s very hard to wake up from that dream. I am always saying that upon waking up in that dream I realized that I was alone because I chose to be alone. It’s not funny to be alone anymore. I know how ironic life would bring to me but this is me.

During the past days of my life, though how hard I try telling myself that I should have to let go but seems that I was glued harder in such situation. I know, I don’t have to believe in what I really felt because this feelings will keep on hurting me. As I start laughing to myself the tears in my eyes start to fall. Is that what we meant by happiness? I’m afraid it’s not. I have to admit that I can’t be with this special person in my life because somebody else has occupied the special part of the heart and I am not that somebody else.

Now, I think is the right time to cast all those feelings deep inside of me. I am like a beggar as I look at myself and I feel pity upon seeing it. I am not just lying to others but I am lying to myself of which it’s very hard to do. As what they are saying “You can lie to others but not to yourself”. I know I’m just pretending those times that everything is alright though I am longing to be with this special person in me. I figured it out that there are times that crying is another way of healing yourself that laughters can’t cure. Now, I have to find my own happiness, I have to dream again though I know I will be hurt but i know I will become stronger to face what is reality.

  1. Moi says:

    well written, couldn’t say it better myself. you’ve actually expressed how i feel inside. no matter how much we try to tell people that we don’t need anybody we couldn’t deny it from ourselves. WE ALL NEED SOMEBODY. i applaud your courage for saying it. hopefully, we’ll all find what we’ve been lokking,longing for.. wish you the best!!!

    • arjhay1726 says:

      Hi mystique0381. Thank you for taking some time to read my blog page. I am very grateful that you leave some message for me. I am simply just expressing what I really felt inside. I know it takes a lot of courage to show the world who really you are. My family, my friends and people like you are the reasons of my courage to open myself to the whole world. Thank you very much and how I wish to know you better! I can feel that you have something also deep inside of you that you want to share to the whole world, showing of who you are…I wish you good luck and thank you. 🙂

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