Arjhay1726’s Weblog

Crying is one way of showing your emotions, showing what you really felt deep inside, showing that you’re pain. Sometimes we cry because of too much happiness, tears in our eyes are coming without even knowing it, and you feel like that your heart is squeezed until nothing tears will fall. And you feel numb as if you can’t step your feet forward, and you feel like shouting. And that’s crying! But what if you are crying deep inside and you’re afraid to show your emotions?

I don’t know if it’s a curse for someone like me, everytime I fall in love, I am always hurt and I don’t know why. I’m always keep saying to myself that I should not fall in love again, but human as we are, I can’t resist the dictate of my heart. I been in love for so many times and I fail also for so many times. Though, there are few whom I experienced care but it’s not love and it doesn’t last for long. Sometimes I am just telling myself that the Lord is so busy as of this time creating for the better partner I could have in my life. And the most painful is the last one that I have.

I am blessed to know this person in my life. Sharing the laughters and tears. We been sharing the best time I could have in my life. Everytime I fall, I am pretty sure that somebody will catch me, everytime I was in the darkness I am sure that somebody’s hand will held be back into light. And this somebody shows the care that I’m longing for so long. Hand in hand we are facing the ups and downs of our life, for about a year that I am leaning on its shoulder and never heard a complain. And at the end of everything leaving me is such the most painful thing. Painful because I am expecting too much, It’s hard for me to let go because I don’t want to, It hurts because I can’t accept the fact that we’re just friends. The way that I was cared is something special for me, but it was just an ordinary and simple deeds for this somebody, a brotherly care.

I know prioritizing the one you love, especially a family, is not a question, well…who am I to say no for this somebody who thinks that life is dedicated to a family? I’ve realized that I am just fooling myself, making some imagination, doing some impossible dreams and hurting myself upon waking up from a very deep sleep.

I’m trying myself to hold on to the feelings that I have, trying to change my destiny, trying to be with this somebody but straightly this somebody is telling me…”you’re such a good friend, thank you but I have to go”.